It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
