Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
