Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize