Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
