The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
