i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
