As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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