her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Welp...herpes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
