smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
