Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
