is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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