She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
