I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
