ya dads aren't the best wingmen
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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