We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
