What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
