His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
