help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
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possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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