did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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