Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
