i just wanna soil my oats bro
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
