It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
