There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my fart just growled at me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
