there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im six kinds of drunk right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
