matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
