Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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