Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We talked him into tasing himself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
