Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
