is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
