Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
