Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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