if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
