would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
