Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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