he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
