My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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