I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Alive.
So much puke
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
