I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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