You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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