just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
