Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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