she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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