The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
