And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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