Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
