forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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