She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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