Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
