last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
