Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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