This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
