I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
