I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
