Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
