..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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