The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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