when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
