I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
