Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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