I heard we made out
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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