So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
