I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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