i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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