Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
