people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
