What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
