he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
