went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
