I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...