Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.

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(208): I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid. http://tfl.nu/h0xq

Replies (11) Good night (823) Bad night (2474)
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(562): View more from California

I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.

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(562): I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial. http://tfl.nu/180u

Replies (25) Good night (626) Bad night (4602)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

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(847): Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot. http://tfl.nu/nyh6

Replies (41) Good night (4641) Bad night (995)
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(716): View more from New York

After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant

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(716): After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant http://tfl.nu/56nj

Replies (14) Good night (4646) Bad night (681)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

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(763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina http://tfl.nu/awuu

Replies (30) Good night (993) Bad night (7798)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.

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(931): My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life. http://tfl.nu/ajpd

Replies (9) Good night (5176) Bad night (915)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.

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(414): he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie. http://tfl.nu/pbor

Replies (16) Good night (858) Bad night (4653)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

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(701): First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to. http://tfl.nu/orps

Replies (9) Good night (3003) Bad night (1524)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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(843): You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you. http://tfl.nu/p8ms

Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (1603)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.

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(414): I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment. http://tfl.nu/4r7a

Replies (8) Good night (795) Bad night (471)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"

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(440): Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!" http://tfl.nu/2j1e

Replies (11) Good night (1866) Bad night (645)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."

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(570): You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG." http://tfl.nu/j0ai

Replies (0) Good night (581) Bad night (299)
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(916): View more from California

When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!

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(916): When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!! http://tfl.nu/tjy9

Replies (3) Good night (460) Bad night (313)
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(630): View more from Illinois

my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."

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(630): my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation." http://tfl.nu/ju2j

Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (339)
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(647): View more from Ontario

We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.

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(647): We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present. http://tfl.nu/h55y

Replies (4) Good night (646) Bad night (205)

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