he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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